Women for historical, cultural and psychological reasons, try to make things work and frequently carry the responsibility for the state of their relationships and take the blame if they fail. They also take the blame if they stay with an abuser despite everything that is known about leaving violent relationships. Living with abuse as an adult and witnessing the experience of abusers as a child are intrinsically linked. This is not to say that the one inevitably results in the other but we are psychologically, emotionally and socially influenced but the material constraints of our individual worlds. Not all men are abusive or violent and not all women experience abuse or tolerate it for long if they do. There are individual differences and it is these individual differences that enable the hope that prevention and healing are possible.

Chapter 8 presents dilemmas of care and questions of blame that are explored with a focus on the predicaments facing women and their children terrorized by IPVA alongside the policy and practices informing and shaping the role of health and social care professionals in this context. One specific focus is upon the capacity of therapy to challenge the sense that those who have experienced IPVA, including children, have failed themselves and their loved ones.

That the relationship is central in the drama of domestic violence and abuse seemed to be implicitly understood. A final point from this story is the fear of living without a relationship is described as a greater one than the fear of the abuse and violence which is a point also made by others.