ABSTRACT
Unfortunately things did not go quite the way I wanted them to. I managed to fall foul of 'the system'. For some inexplicable reason I began to think independently or to be more honest. I began to speak and act more independently and committed a heinous crime. I suffered 'opinions', probably borne out of a frustrated development, and deviated from the accepted path of behaviour. When the time came to move from registrar to senior registrar, interviews came and went, and subsequently dried up! I was facing a crisis in my personal and professional life. As a consequence I did what I always do when difficult decisions have to be made; I reverted to selfanalysis and made my lists again. Analyse, conclude, act! What is wrong with me? Why does nobody want me? I am good at my job, enthusiastic, hard working, innovative; my curriculum vitae is excellent. How could anybody not want me? The list contained personal good points, perceived bad points, points for going on, points for career change. Do I really want to be a consultant now? I revised my list of the advantages and disadvantages of achieving consultant status in the health service. On this occasion I could not list any advantages, yet the list of disadvantages was long and of considerable concern.
