ABSTRACT
It feels like there’s a black hole, a vacuum pulling me towards it, one minute I’m running towards it and the next I’m trying to pull back. But the lure is there. The obsession. It’s all-encompassing. Bodybuilding haunts and comforts my dreams and waking hours. Maybe it’s the hardest place to be – sitting on the fence. Feeling the power, the draw, but still being unable to commit. Sometimes I delight in it, but other times it feels like a weight, a burden. The religion of ‘muscle’. Today I feel overwhelmed. My brain and body both hurt. Ethnography was not the easy option. I’m both hooked and fascinated – yet want to run away. The bizarre world of bodybuilding is taking over.
