ABSTRACT
The aim of the therapeutic relationship is to enable individuals to manage
life in ways that are satisfactory to them. It could be seen as similar to the
task that parents perform in helping their offspring to become autonomous:
the total dependence of infancy gradually moves through the various
stages of childhood until adolescence is reached, when, if separation is
achieved, the young adult becomes independent. Of course rarely is this
process a smooth one, for there are steps forward and steps backward. We
all know that sometimes it is easier to tie children’s shoelaces rather than
allow them to learn how to do it for themselves. But to do things for other
people keeps them dependent, and simply avoids the conflict and
frustration that arises from helping them towards independence. The
therapist’s task, rather like the parent who wants the child to learn for itself,
is not to give answers but to provide an environment in which frustration
and conflict can be tolerated and worked through. This helps people find
their own answers so that they no longer need the therapist and are free to
get on with their lives.
