ABSTRACT
Collusive acting out is a defense that is not easily recognized at the outset of
therapy. Monitoring and restraining, on the other hand, are usually identifi ed
as behaviors that are part and parcel of the presenting problem. Typically, the
monitoring and restraining spouse becomes overburdened with his or her surveil-
lance responsibilities and turns to a therapist for help. Often, the monitoring and
restraining spouse behaves like a plaintiff and the monitored partner takes on
the role of defendant. Maintaining therapeutic neutrality may pose a challenge,
especially when some of the monitored spouse’s behaviors are clearly destruc-
tive to the marriage and/or antisocial in nature. Nevertheless, the therapist must
always remember that monitoring and restraining (regardless of the nature of the
behaviors under consideration) still represents a collusive defense. The problem-
atic behaviors have simply exceeded the couple’s homeostatic limit. Contractual
rules have been violated in some way, and a return to the previously existing
equilibrium is desired. Monitoring and restraining may occur in certain specifi c
or circumscribed areas of a couple’s relationship, or it may represent a more gen-
eralized pattern.
