ABSTRACT
I’m on an acute ward on constant observation. I’m desperate to leave-to be free to choose whether I live or die. I’m watching and waiting. Two of the three on night shift come into the day room. None of the staff speak to each other but my observer assumes one of them is there to relieve her. She leaves. Unsure which of them is with me I move out of the room to see who follows. For the first time in a month I’m alone in the corridor. I wait, afraid I’m mistaken, before following through what I’ve rehearsed in my head so long. Upstairs in a quiet corner of the dormitory a window opens onto the fire escape and my freedom. The opening of all the windows is limited but my weight loss serves me well. I squeeze through only to find myself caught on a nail. I can’t move in or out and stay there for the next 45 minutes before, to my shame, I’m discovered.
