ABSTRACT
Males in our nation do very little parenting. Yet we hear so much about the importance of having a man in the house. The absent man, the absent father, has been the constant sign folks point to when they want to critique black families. This is especially the case when those critiques are coming from unenlightened white folks. No matter the presence of overwhelming research and data about the patriarchal white nuclear family, which documents that it has never been a safe place for women or children, unenlightened white folks still represent this configuration as the only truly healthy family system. In our segregated black world, as children we learned about white families from television. The white fathers we saw on shows like Leave It to Beaver, Father Knows Best, and The Courtship of Eddie’s Father were kind protectors and providers who gave their children unconditional love. They did not yell, beat, shame, ignore, or wound their children. They were the fantasy white family. The real white family, the ones where fathers were controlling, abusive, incestuous, violent, alcoholics, workaholics, or rageoholics, did not appear on our television screens.
