ABSTRACT
The assumption that everyone’s sexuality is confined to a lifelong exclusive commitment to a person of the other sex is clearly false for the majority of people in our society. Yet the myth remains, and many clients measure themselves or others against this standard and feel guilty or hostile. Counselors will encounter varied sexual life styles and are likely to hear about them through indirect reference. By being sensitive to subtleties, the counselor can help a person express troubling sexual style issues; when a client can talk about them easily, counseling has accomplished one important goal. EXAMPLE: Client Expression of Changed Life Style
Less likely: “Now that I’m a widow, I think I’ll try women partners.”
More likely: “I feel so lonely—and strange with men sometimes.”
Less likely: “Since my wife divorced me I’ve been propositioning young women at work.”
More likely: “After my divorce, I just began to—well—it was
never like me to be so impulsive with women before.”
Counselor: “It seems that the way you are feeling has changed, and perhaps you are a little surprised? Why don’t we talk about different life styles?”
COMMENT: People often appear “fuzzy” when they consider their sexual behavior or needs, especially if expectations and social rules are challenged. This is even more true because significant relationships and the opinions of others are heavily involved. It is usually a relief to explore the situation with a non-judgmental counselor.
