ABSTRACT
Jeannie, age 16, is referred to her high school counselor by the attendance officer because “she doesn’t seem to get herself to school.” On the telephone Jeannie’s mother said, “It has been a problem off and on for years, but Jeannie got on the bus more willingly before her boyfriend dropped out.” All of Jeannie’s teachers say that she is quiet, does her work well, and seems content when she is in class. INTERVIEW SEGMENT: Establishing Relationship, 1st Session Counselor
“So I have been trying to get to talk to all of the Sophomores, Jeannie, because this is an important year. How do things seem to be going for you?”
Jeannie“All right.” (Smiles shyly.)
Counselor“Could you tell me some of the things you like or don’t like about our school?” (The counselor then spends 15 minutes drawing Jeannie out on non-threatening topics and giving her an opportunity to bring up criticism in an accepting atmosphere.)
Jeannie“…and the main thing that I don’t like is gym, but I know a lot of girls who don’t either.”
Counselor“Would you say that worrying about gym keeps you from wanting to come to school in the morning?”
Jeannie(Silence, squirms, looks cornered.)
Counselor“You can tell that I know about your absences, Jeannie…I want to be honest with you all the time. And I called your mom to see if she has any idea why you don’t come to school sometimes.”
Jeannie“She doesn’t realize…there’s nothing she can say…”
COMMENTS: The counselor tries a number of open-ended questions including, “Can you think of any reason why you might want to stay home?” and “Could it be that school just isn’t the same without Billy?” and even “Do you sometimes wish that you had more clothes and things like so many kids have?”
Jeannie“I just can’t tell you any more, but I feel better when I’m at home with Mom…it isn’t bad in school, but I hate to leave the house.”
COMMENTS: At this point the counselor is thinking in terms of Jeannie being a dependent personality, and after talking a while longer gives her a popular book entitled Becoming a Woman. Then the counselor continues the session.
Counselor“Could we meet weekly to sort things out and maybe look ahead to the future?”
Jeannie“That would be good…this is a big school and I’d like someone to talk to.”
COMMENTS: The counselor is busy and can give Jeannie only twenty minutes every week, but after several sessions they begin to talk easily. Jeannie reveals some interests and more spunk and color than were apparent at first; she follows through on counseling suggestions focused on assertiveness. The counselor notes that she speaks protectively of her mother, warmly of her three older sisters, briefly about her teasing twin brothers, but becomes rigid and non-communicative about her father.
Counselor“So it seem that school is in a better-than-average place for you right now, Jeannie. I’m glad! But I’ve noticed that when you mention your boyfriend Billy, that you kind of frown sometimes?”
Jeannie“Well, Billy can be a pain. He wouldn’t come over to see me all weekend, or go out anywhere. He just wanted me to come to his apartment and clean up all the grease in the stove and the stuff his friends leave. I don’t mind doing it for him, but those other guys are messing Billy up.”
COMMENTS: The counselor doesn’t especially want to talk about Billy’s friends’ parties but knows it is necessary to help Jeannie express her concerns. They spent a while talking about how things had been going, and how Jeannie would like them to be.
Counselor“It seems as though you aren’t asking too much, from all you’ve told me Jeannie, but that you would like a little respect, attention, and less cleaning!”
Jeannie“I know, everyone tells me that I shouldn’t put up with the way Billy treats me, and he won’t keep a job…but I think that he depends on me.”
Counselor“That feeling of being important to Billy…being needed…makes it hard for you to speak up for yourself?”
Jeannie“Well, I couldn’t do that. I have to either break up with him or leave it this way. I’m not going to argue all the time. I can’t stand any more of that.”
Counselor“You look almost sick Jeannie. It makes me wonder if you’ve already heard too much arguing in your life?”
Jeannie“Well, I have. My father yells all the time. But he keeps at us to get my mother and sisters to admit things.”
Counselor“Your father gets upset about things you all do?” Jeannie: “No. He gets weird about stuff we never did.” Counselor: “Could you give me an example, please?”
Jeannie“Well, I’m not supposed to talk about it. But he accuses us of sex things, especially my sisters and mother.”
Counselor“You know I never quote anything, Jeannie. The only thing I would have to report is if a person is in danger.”
Jeannie“Well, we are sometimes. My mother is used to it, and she says he mostly squeezes her and she bruises easily. But lately he gets yelling and really hits her.”
Counselor“I think I have an idea what you are talking about. Your mother is very thin and looks kind of nervous sometimes.”
Jeannie“It got worse when Molly was living with us. She and my brother had to get married two years ago—she’s my age—and my father wouldn’t leave Molly alone.”
Counselor“Are you saying that your father hit Molly, or had an unhealthy relationship with her?”
Jeannie“Yes. What you said last. Molly told my sisters the sex things my father made her do when my brother was at work, before they moved out. And my mother was real worried that something would happen, and maybe my father would leave…or get in trouble.”
Counselor“So you know something wrong was going on then? And they still argue a lot, and you are terrified that the family could break up or your mother get hurt?”
Jeannie“To tell you the truth, it wouldn’t bother me or my sisters if my father did leave, except that my mother says she’d die.”
Counselor“Your father has bothered you too?”
Jeannie“For some reason he leaves me alone. I think my mother said I was the baby of the family and she’d kill him if he laid a hand on me. And when he gets down on her, it’s better if I’m there.”
Counselor“So that is really why you stay home sometimes?”
Jeannie“I told you school was OK. People are pretty nice here.”
Counselor“You have mentioned so many hurtful things. What worries you most? Do you think your father has a problem with being mean, yelling, or sex, or what?”
Jeannie“Well he does really hurt my mother. And he always yells about sex. None of my sisters will be alone with him because of things he used to do to them. They can pretty much avoid him now, but he is after my mother 2 or 3 times every night. He’s mad all the time.”
Counselor“It sounds awful. What do you wish would happen?”
Jeannie“That’s my problem, I just don’t know what to do.” (Huddles over, seems to shrink.)
Counselor“Jeannie, I didn’t mean that any of this family stuff is your responsibility.” (Puts arm around her shoulder gently to help her sit back up.) “You are just a young girl growing up where you see so much confusion, and your father taking advantage of people. None of it is your fault.”
Jeannie“My mom keeps talking to me about what to do. I can’t stand it because she won’t take my advice anyway.”
Counselor“You know, there is some risk here, Jeannie. Your mother has been under such a strain lately and could feel desperate. Has she seen a doctor?”
Jeannie“She weighs only 95 now and can’t sleep. She told the doctor that she has troubles, and he gave her medicine and said to make up her mind to get a divorce.”
Counselor“From what you’ve told me it seems that your mother really needs some help. I believe it is my responsibility to talk to her so that she doesn’t lean on you so much, and also to find out whether your father is a danger to anyone at present.”
Jeannie“I think he has bothered some other girls…but I don’t know for sure if he is now.”
Counselor“It sounds as though he really has a problem. We may be able to get him some help too. But in the meantime I want you to know that you did the best possible thing. You waited until you decided that we were friends and then told me the painful family secret. Now I promise you that something will be done about the accusing and hitting and sexual threats.”
Jeannie“Please don’t get my father arrested! My mother would be worse off than ever then. She just wants him to straighten up, she says.”
Counselor“That is a really good goal, Jeannie, and I promise that I will look into this considering the best interests of all the family. What I plan to do is talk to your mom and encourage her to confide in me…It sounds as if she could use some understanding right now.”
Jeannie“I’m glad you believed me. I tried to talk to somebody a couple of times and they didn’t want to hear about our family problems. What will happen now?”
