Living with the Illness

That we are social animals is clear and without question, and every person has the need to be known, loved, and accepted. We have a special problem in making friends because we have bipolar illness. We assume that almost everyone will reject us if they know about our illness. If our moods are not under sufficient control through medication, we don’t feel up to the task of being a friend. So we give up or don’t start the difficult search for meaningful relationships, and we take whatever “happens along.” We tend to cut ourselves off from others and isolate ourselves. We have difficulty meeting new people and making new friends because we think that we’re very different, not so much because of what others think. The role of friendships in the acceptance of our illness is very important and necessary if we are to move on in life. So I encourage you to begin working through the guidelines, listed below, that have helped me make new friends.

I must love and accept myself the way I am, realizing that my own improvement is a process.

If I want people to love me, I must give away love to others.

If I want to have a friend, I must be a friend.

I believe that my life was not meant to be alone and that true friends will be part of my life.

I recognize that it is in relationships that I was wounded and it is in relationships that I will be healed. Therefore, I must form relationships.

I will identify the kind(s) of friend(s) whom I need and want.

I will not sit at home all day and night waiting for life to come to me.

I will discuss any reluctance to socialize with those I trust.

I must go where the kind of people I want are.

I will pursue friendships one day at a time with all the energy I have.

If I have anxiety and fear, I will work through them and not hide from them.

I will choose my friends wisely.

I will spend a regular amount of time reassessing my needs and planning ways to fill them.

I accept that not everyone will like me and want to be my friend.

I will not give up, and I will not isolate or insulate myself from others.

I will not become co-dependent on another, and I realize that it is not my job to rescue all those who are in trouble.

I will end relationships that are not good for me.

I can say no to my friends.

Making quality friendships takes time.