ABSTRACT
Close relationships are the source of our most intense emotions, from the joys of love and attachment to the agonies of betrayal and loss. Relationship partners have the capacity to make one another deeply happy and deeply miserable. Indeed, and despite our best intentions, we will inevitably hurt the ones we love and will, in turn, be hurt by them. Sometimes we overlook such hurts or explain them away as unintentional and unimportant in the overall context of our relationship. At other times we may feel that the bottom has dropped out of our world-how could someone who loves me have treated me like this? Some hurtful behaviors (e.g., ostracism) may be judged unforgivable and lead to relationship meltdown (see Chapter 18 in this volume). Others may be judged forgivable, if not immedi ately then over the longer term. Either way, a wounded partner may experience great pain, and although drugs like alcohol may dull the suffering in the short term, ultimately this is not a pain that responds to analgesics. So how do suffering partners go about making themselves feel better?
