ABSTRACT
I immediately reflected how they come from families of such strength-a source of pride for both of them. From the start, I told them that I needed them to help me understand their culture and families. “Guys, I don’t have that kind of cultural story to draw from, and I can only understand what it’s like to be in your family up to a point. I’d like to ask something from the start. Would you be willing to bear with me if I ask cultural questions that may seem kind of obvious to each of you, and would you be willing to correct me when I miss culturally, or otherwise, and help me understand you better?” They both nodded, “Of course we will. No problem.” “Thanks,” I honestly reinforced, “that will really be helpful for me. It’s just so interesting, too. My apologies ahead of time if I go overboard in hearing about your cultural struggles and obvious successes.” (All three laugh.)
Frank and Maria were in their 11th year of marriage with three children, boys 9 and 7 years old, and a daughter, aged 5. Early on, I noted that spirituality seemed to be very important to them, as they talked about friends from church and their pastor’s sermons. “We are both active Christians,” Maria reported. “I consider myself a Christian feminist. Our beliefs are
thing else that greatly attracted us to each other. Our families are Catholic.” “I’d like to ask permission for you to help me understand as we go along how important your faith is to you and your family,” I responded. “A working knowledge of how that plays out in your relationship would help me.” This affirmation seemed to further put them at ease. “That’s really nice to hear,” Maria responded. “We were both concerned that our faith might not be respected in professional therapy.”
