ABSTRACT
The central measure of the well-being of an intimate relationship is the quality of the attachment bond. A good attachment provides a secure base and a safe haven from which partners can operate in the world. The secure attachment also helps each individual with his or her esteem difficulties; however, individual problems in the realm of esteem can still occur even when the attachment is secure. Unfortunately, problems in the esteem realm, even when they stem from outside the relationship, often precipitate problems in the attachment realm. Similarly, problems in the attachment realm frequently lead to problems in the esteem realm—in part because partners lose the secure base, but also because of the tendency of many insecure partners to attack the other partner’s esteem rather than make themselves vulnerable and expose their own attachment needs.
