ABSTRACT
Couples come to therapy with complaints. When the couple is caught in the cycle of repetitive conflict (whether expressed in overt fighting or in perpetual distancing), those complaints are about each other. Correctly identifying and understanding those complaints is key to having a successful therapy. This is not always as simple as it might appear. Some partners avoid directly identifying what is really bothering them. Instead, they may allude to it, embed it in a description of a less threatening problem, or avoid it altogether and perhaps hope that the therapist will notice when it occurs in the session.
