ABSTRACT
The realm of esteem refers to the emotions that are activated about the self and the partner’s self. The self emotions lie along the axis between feeling very positive about the self, represented by the emotion of pride, and feeling very negative about the self, represented by the emotion of shame. Every partner’s pride or shame can be activated by his perception of the other partner’s acceptance or disapproval, so intimate partners all learn the power of their other-esteem emotions to influence their partners, but it is each individual’s self-esteem emotions that play the major motivating role in the realm of esteem. And of the two poles of the self-esteem emotional continuum, it is shame that plays the primary role in disrupting emotional safety in intimate relationships. Indeed, shame plays a greater role in shaping personality than most people realize. We will begin this chapter by looking more closely at the power of shame.
