ABSTRACT
There is only one position on the terrain of the emotional relationship in which partners feel completely safe to reveal themselves and grow within the relationship—that is the safe zone, defined by the positive ends of both axes (Self and Other) in both realms (attachment and esteem). The partners can be moved out of the safe zone by difficulties in either realm, but the nature of the emotions that get activated tends to differ. When a partner perceives a threat in the attachment realm, he usually experiences distress, fear, and distrust of the other partner. When a partner perceives a threat in the esteem realm, he experiences shame and inadequacy related to himself and disapproval from the other partner. Occasionally, feelings of shame can be activated by difficulties in the attachment realm, but problems in the esteem realm almost always result in feelings of shame.
