ABSTRACT
Shame resilience is a process, and it belongs to a larger process of emotional well-being. “Process” means the opposite of a finished product; it’s a being here, not a doing to get somewhere. Emotional distress for high-shame people is caused by a continuous process of destructive self-to-self relationship. High-shame clients badly need self-compassion, but they need help to learn it. Paul Gilbert, Kristin Neff, and Tara Brach teach ways to develop self-compassion. Daniel Siegel explains how the practice of mindfulness nurtures compassion and well-being within oneself. High-shame clients also need support to develop positive relationships with others. This includes guidance about communicating emotions and needs, and about recognizing and exiting shame/blame systems. Therapists do well to model appropriate guilt and shame when they make mistakes with clients. “Narcissism” is a necessary protection against shame. Clients’ internal processes of narcissism slowly lose their power as processes of well-being and shame-resilience grow stronger. Many clients find themselves released from shame into new, creative self-expression, as well.
