ABSTRACT
Clients do not talk about shame easily, though many suffer silently with it. The author believes that most symptoms of so-called mental illness, including shame, have something to do with childhood relational trauma. Six case examples illustrate the following: hame takes hold in different ways, depending on a child’s disposition and on the many possible forms of mismatch between a child’s need for connection and a caregiver’s ability to respond. Many clients struggle hard to rise above shame with outstanding performance of self. Some chronically shamed clients do not live out such a split existence. Rather, they struggle daily just to survive constant feelings of isolation, despair, and worthlessness. Beneath their current lives of alienation and emotional pain lie histories of physical, sexual and emotional abuse at the hands of caregivers they should have been able to trust. Whatever their histories, all chronically shamed clients have difficulty being present with themselves, often finding solace in addictive behaviours. They have trouble connecting authentically with others; consciously or unconsciously, they feel deeply lonely and unloved or unlovable.
