ABSTRACT
Chapter 11 begins with a few examples of fostering children’s capacities for listening and empathy, but mainly concentrates on the relationship-based approach of teachers and school staff in working with vulnerable and challenging children – an approach that is at the heart of this book. It focuses on language as a vital means of communication, including attuned empathic responsiveness and responding to strong emotions. It includes helpful phrases and attitudes and discusses the importance of non-verbal communication and setting secure boundaries with empathy. Practically it includes holding-in-mind comments and gestures and examples of attuned empathic sentence stems. Complicating factors like a child’s fear of closeness and our own tendency to want to make things better, which can get in the way of the more subtle aspects of relationships, are discussed. Ways of responding to children’s sad and worrying comments are addressed, along with helping children to relax and calm down and fostering and acknowledging inner growth and thoughtfulness. Relationship-based discipline and preventing and managing outbursts are looked at in some detail with lots of practical suggestions for before, during and after the outburst, including the importance of repairing the relationship.
