ABSTRACT
Individuals and couples who are distressed by low desire or sexual desire discrepancy typically have an unspoken belief system which includes the assumption that if they were normal, they would feel desire. Couples often enter therapy wondering if their sexual frequency is “normal” or “abnormal”. Normal frequency is not the point, but the question illuminates part of the larger problem. By the time most couples distressed by sexual desire problems make their way to couples or sex therapists’ offices, they have scanned the web, bought the magazines and manuals, tried the tips, tricks and techniques unsuccessfully and have become disillusioned. Part of the problem with the proposed solution originates in the conceptions of “sex”; extraordinary lovers explained that magnificent sex is not about genital friction and the ultimate end of sex need not be intercourse. Therapists need to be able to imagine and feel what goes on in the minds and hearts of the individuals having sex, moment by moment.
