ABSTRACT
Instead of paranoid fears and fantasies of retaliation, the need to absorb good experiences emerges, which in turn become the basis for gratitude and generosity. On the other hand, the capacity for gratitude is in turn a pre-condition for reparation and the ability to internalise good experiences. Genuine gratitude can only set in when efforts of reparation are made, reality is acknowledged, the claim of control and possession of the object is relinquished and the good experience is internalised as part of the process of mourning. Gratitude originates in the efforts to make reparations and the motive for reparation is guilt. This allows us to restore the internal relationship to our love object, which is now given autonomy and independence. Gratitude is closely linked to our readiness to relinquish control over our objects. ‘Gratitude is no motivation for reparation. The motivation for reparation is guilt and can only set in when the hatred of the object has been made conscious’.
