This chapter engages with the issues via analysis of the public, media, and parliamentary response to a cult satirical television programme screened on British television on ‘paedophilia’, first screened on 2001 (but now available online) as the final ‘special’ episode written and presented by Chris Morris and the ‘Brass Eye’ team. It starts out by exploring how discourses of abuse have come to frame all discussions of children’s sexualities—including how they are framed by the permeation into culture of psychoanalytic discourse. The chapter focuses on a range of conceptual and analytical frameworks to address the complex question of children’s sexualities. It resists policy prescriptions, although such do follow from the analysis presented—across a range of disciplinary and geographical applications. Alongside the familiar trope of statistics around teenage pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases, the other key strand of analysis must be an awareness of anxieties around homosexuality.