ABSTRACT
Sex is not the most important thing in a person’s life or relationship. Healthy sexuality has a small (15–20%) yet integral role. Sexuality energizes the couple bond and reinforces feelings of desire and desirability. The paradox is that dysfunctional, conflictual, or avoidant sexuality has a powerful destabilizing role. Sex problems cause shame, hurt, anger, depression, and alienation. Rather than a shared pleasure, sex is a source of demands, conflicts, threats, and a weapon which can destroy the relationship. The paradox is that unhealthy sexuality has a more powerful negative role than the healthy role of sexuality. Sex does not save a relationship, but sex can destroy a relationship. Reinforcing healthy sexuality is important, but not enough. The couple need to confront unhealthy sexual attitudes, behaviors, and emotions.
