ABSTRACT
Intimacy and eroticism are very different dimensions. Healthy couple sexuality confronts the traditional power struggle where men emphasize eroticism and women emphasize intimacy. The couple learn to be intimate and erotic friends. The challenge for couples, whether married or partnered, straight or gay, is to integrate intimacy and eroticism into their couple sexual style. Intimacy involves warm, loving, affectionate, sensual, pleasure-oriented predictable attachment. Eroticism involves intense sensations and feelings, mystery and creativity, taking personal and sexual risks, unpredictability, fantasies which are socially unacceptable, and sexual vitality. A common trap is to “de-eroticize” the partner and relationship. A different trap is to treat eroticism as an anti-intimate sex performance. Valuing intimacy and eroticism is healthy for the woman, man, couple, and culture.
