ABSTRACT
Sadness is about experiencing feelings–of grief, guilt, loss, shame, hatred, hopelessness–in a lively if painful way. In depression, feelings that are felt as too distressing are shut down. Everything becomes heavy, hopeless, worthless: we have no sense of lively desire for anything or anyone; we may complain but have no capacity for active protest. Depression is often confused with sadness–but in fact it is the opposite. Any new relationship is heavily burdened with this early, almost instinctive, suspicion, self-doubt and self-protection. The child may learn to find a precarious self-esteem which, as long as things go well, is exciting, but in the face of any disappointment or a pulling away can feel like a terrible abandonment–and that adolescent, or adult, can instantly shut down, and turn away. Depression is a part of that extreme, black and white state of mind, where someone is disastrously bad.
