ABSTRACT
Noticing shameful feelings with a stern regard for truth but without moralism, even with some fondness can bring immense relief. If so, our world is less split into extremes of all bad and all good. There is a possibility of flexibility rather than absolute conviction: where loving feelings can be experienced more fully and mitigate hateful and envious ones. All of a sudden, vividly, shockingly, Sam felt fury at her: so calm, so smugly pointing out primitive, childish feelings–and which, worst of all, he felt were true: it made him want to smash the glass in her neat, framed pictures. In an analysis the first moments of getting it–that being an infuriating little sod might not be the same as being an unforgivable monster–feels like a revelation. A parent’s difficulties impact on everyone and this is very sad, but can leave room for mourning and for some better memories to be retrieved.
