ABSTRACT
No one likes to see a child upset and tearful—indeed, the effect of a child’s tears on adults is so strong that we are often moved to comfort and distract the child rather than to stay with their distress and help the child to understand it. The risk in doing so is that children may grow up feeling either that there is something wrong with feeling upset or that distress cannot be thought through and managed, but only soothed away by someone else. However, we all struggle with our feelings when we find ourselves in the position of Cat’s playworker. “I just can’t stand that child’s whinging and whining,” she declared. “She cries over everything, and at the drop of a hat.” As if on cue, nine year old Cat suddenly let out a wild sob on the other side of the room and rushed over to her playworker, tears pouring down her face. “Josh pushed me off and he’s really hurt my hand,” she sobbed, holding up a limp but clearly undamaged hand. “Oh, for goodness sake, Cat,” replied her playworker, “what were you doing to Josh ...?”
