ABSTRACT
This chapter examines the “ordinary couple”. They have their ups and down, but are basically managing their marital relations well, without giving the matter much thought. Life is far too busy. Psychotherapists all recognize the scenario of a couple attending a rather tedious party, but not wanting to be rude by leaving too early. In most partnerships ritual behaviours and communications abound. They are seldom noticed, referred to or discussed, yet play a critical role in maintaining the stability of the relationship. When a couple have acute problems that seem out of their ordinary joint experience, they have the option to see a therapist or to sit it out. These sets of agreed behaviour deepen a couple’s intimacy with each other, especially when the link with the past is understood. In effect, the couple become willing therapists for each other, albeit in narrowly defined areas and not all the time.
