ABSTRACT
The other step I had to take towards recovery was with my training institution. The opportunity to understand how the racial discrimination had impacted my existence on the training came when we were playing around with phantasies about a locked room in the building during a large group session. Later that night I reflected on the theme of the locked room, and suddenly understood that for me it represented a room which held all my negative projections and fears which had threatened to choke my training. I had given the key to this dreaded room to the course convenor and my supervisor for safe keeping, which is why I hated them both as a couple. I hated them because they represented, or reminded me of, what they were containing for me—my negativity and the fearful projections I had disowned—and they were robust enough to contain the uncontainable on my behalf. This realization left me quite excited because I knew I was now ready to swallow the ruzoka and receive back the key to this feared room. I felt strong enough to reclaim my projections and take charge of my fears myself.
