ABSTRACT
Towards the end of therapy a group member brought This be the Verse, a poem by Philip Larkin, for the group. It starts with: They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra just for you. I have had a number of patients talk about this poem with mixed feelings. Some have used it to explain why they do not want to have children—they do not want to pass on their gene of misery and inflict their pain onto another human being. This sentiment is powerfully evoked in the final lines: Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don’t have any kids yourself. In this group they started off by joking about how the therapist “fucks you up” but they did not want to explore it in a serious manner. 183Some quickly moved on to getting angry that the poem gives parents an excuse for their bad parenting. A discussion on family traits took place—with history repeating itself, what hope is there for them? Are they victims of family curses or can they break the spell of misfortune? One voiced a thought that parents should take responsibility for their mistakes and not make excuses, but others (mostly parents themselves) defended them, saying that their parents’ generation never got the opportunity of breaking the spell through therapy. They talked about how important their therapy had been in turning their lives around—in breaking the spell. They expressed their appreciation of the time in the group.
