ABSTRACT
People who manage conflict productively with others start by finding common ground. Common ground refers to the overlap of values, interests, and positions held by both parties. Marriage researchers seeking to predict divorce first discovered an idea called “negative interpretation” to explain why some couples become extremely defensive with each other. Equally important in owning one's part of any conflict is to understand how one's choices influence the trajectory of the conversation. Problems can lead to conflict, even when they don’t need to. People play to an audience, especially in conflict situations. Because identity issues important to protecting and saving face are so pervasive in conflict, the presence of others during an exchange will often intensify feelings of ridicule, embarrassment, and humiliation, when even the slightest provocation exists. Conflict is an essential part of coming together. In fact, it is through conflict that people reaffirm the relationship and group norms and values.
