ABSTRACT
This chapter begins by identifying what makes a conversation difficult. It then introduces three important principles that elucidate what happens when a conversation becomes difficult, which can be drawn upon for helping to alleviate difficulty. Dr Sonja Falck explains that many of her clients dread or avoid potentially difficult conversations because they don’t know how to approach them and what actual words to use. Using two case examples, she demonstrates how to approach a difficult conversation with friends and with a parent by taking the client step by step through using Falck’s seven IT’S BETTER essential conversation skills. How this prepared the client and empowered them to achieve a successful outcome is explained. Conflict is then analysed, showing how to de-escalate and resolve conflict. Conflict avoidance as a strategy for trying to make a good relationship is debunked. With reference to Winnicott’s paradoxical concept of the importance of hatred for love, and Bowlby’s concept of rupture and repair, it is explained how skilfully navigating conflict is something that actively strengthens relationships. The chapter ends with a boxout on ‘How to repair’, giving tips on how to rebuild a connection with someone after there has been a rupture between you.
