ABSTRACT
In 1944, at the age of 42, Alva began composing an autobiographical account of her childhood and adolescence and a diary of her dreams. Six months later she kept a private journal, examining her relationship with Gunnar after almost 20 years of marriage. These previously unknown manuscripts reveal a profound crisis that Alva addressed in its past, present, and future dimensions. Her companion in this process of self-discovery was Dr. Jakob Billström, a psychiatrist who was socially and politically progressive and did not share Freud’s constricting and disparaging views of women. In her autobiography, Alva probed the roots of her personality in a difficult childhood, explored her rebellion against her mother’s simultaneous neglect and control, and reflected on her strong superego as she struggled to achieve independence. She recalled her father’s steady encouragement of her aspirations and traced the process through which she identified with his Social Democratic ideals. As a feminist, Alva asked why she had learned to suppress her childhood dreams of becoming a great leader. She remembered her pervasive sense of unworthiness and how she had learned to channel her ambition into humanitarianism.
