ABSTRACT
When I think about it, there have been two other pivotal moments, other than the three mentioned in the prologue, along my journey towards writing this book. Several years ago, I attended a conference where Jude Cassidy spoke. She had been a student of Mary Ainsworth many years before and she concluded the conference with a story about a moment she’d shared with her advisor. Together, they sat on the porch one night. Cassidy asked Ainsworth what she supposed security may look like in a six-year-old. Ainsworth thought for a while and then said “feeling understood.” After another pause, she added, “I think that is what security is at any age; feeling understood.” I suddenly felt a rush of warmth. It was so simple really. To foster security meant to make someone feel understood. But then the warmth I felt dissipated. Exactly how could I convey to my clients that I understood them? Was it by empathizing with them? Accepting them completely? Resonating with them in the moment? I have realized through the process of writing this book that understanding my clients involves all of the above and something else, something critical. It involves truly listening, and I’ve realized that this book has been a journey towards understanding how to do so.
