ABSTRACT
This chapter describes a four-step model for assessing a couple’s communication. Step one examines how individuals differ on how well formulated ideas are before they are expressed. External processors will often talk before completely formulating their thoughts, whereas internal processors will wait to talk until they have a clear idea as to what they want to say. These differences have the potential to create misunderstanding and conflict. Step two discusses how the way the speaker expresses the message can impact how receptive the listener is to the message (e.g., avoid attacking the partner’s character). Step three explores how internal and external distractions can interfere with the listener receiving the speaker’s message. Step four examines factors (e.g., filters) that impact the listener’s ability to accurately interpret the speaker’s message. The chapter concludes by exploring the role that communication can have in fostering intimacy. For example, conflict can be a catalyst for intimacy if the individual focuses on self-disclosure (e.g., sharing vulnerable emotions behind their anger) rather than blaming the partner. Listeners can also facilitate greater intimacy by being curious, nonjudgmental, empathic, and validating when their partner shares.
