Psychologists assure the reader that if the people can "name it, they can tame it". Empathy builds on self-awareness: the more open the people are to their own emotions, the more skilled they will be at reading the feelings of others-and the more in control the people remain of themselves and situations. When people experience the lack of self-awareness, the people consider them emotionally tone deaf-unable to hear the notes and chords of the conversation. Rather, it describes a personal trait characterized by the inability to identify and describe emotions experienced by one's self or others. To better understand fears and the emotions, let's start with the psychological theory William Schutz proposed in 1958. The need that drives a young man to join a street gang is the same basic need that drives other young men to join fraternities. People who self-regulate effectively act in their long-term best interest—to be consistent with their deepest values.