ABSTRACT
Many interviewees spoke of putting substantial resources of money and time into providing proper rituals at a death. Some had little to say about the visitation, wake, and funeral of the loved one whose death they talked about, because they felt too numb or were in too much pain to pay attention immediately after the death. But many spoke of who attended, what went on during the rituals, and what was said by whom. People talked about and valued the help others provided. They talked about honoring the dead through providing an appropriate service, honoring the wishes of the dead, honoring the dead and survivors through the attendance by many from the family and community, and in some cases, honoring the death by having several clergy participating. Some spoke of family hassles about the rituals. Quite a few spoke about what was expected during the rituals—for example, people only speaking well of the dead and some people expressing feelings strongly through wailing, weeping, and even passing out. The rituals also provided a time for some to reminisce about the deceased and perhaps for there to be story telling that led to amusement and laughter about the deceased.
