ABSTRACT
A secure attachment bond has been imagined as a kind of panacea for many couples’ problems, or as the epitome of lasting trust. While Dialogue Therapy (DT) embraces the insights stemming from attachment theory and research, forging a more secure attachment is not the goal of DT. Instead, DT bases its major interventions on the idea that individuals become more trusting and intimate as a result of differentiation and autonomy, becoming accurate speakers for themselves and witnesses of each other. We propose that speaking for oneself and accurate Witnessing are the bases of trust, mutual respect, empathy, and interest in each other - essential elements of intimate, loving relationships. A “mindful gap” between partners allows for authentic relating. If couple therapists do not recognize the ways projective identification brings confusion and enmeshment into a intimate partnerships, partners can despair after therapy ends and they continue to spend precious emotional energy trying to control each other. DT works by helping partners relate whole self to whole self, one subject to another, which allows partners to love each other without wanting to change each other - a great relief and liberation.
