ABSTRACT
In this chapter, the author argues that disappointment is the healthy emotion alternative to shame. When a person experiences disappointment as a healthy alternative to shame, they make the same inferences as they do when they experience shame. In general, when a person feels disappointed but not ashamed about letting down their reference group, they hold a flexible attitude towards such a letting down and a consequent unconditional self-acceptance attitude. When a person feels disappointment but not ashamed when others judge them negatively, they hold a flexible attitude towards such a negative judgement and an unconditional self-acceptance attitude towards this judgement. Once a person feels ashamed and perhaps after they have physically withdrawn from the shame-related situation, they will tend to perpetuate their shame-based rigid/extreme attitude by isolating themselves from others. When a person has made themselves feel ashamed, they will be tempted to get rid of these feelings of shame by denying responsibility for their actions.
