ABSTRACT
This chapter discusses some key principles guiding the use of sensate focus in couple work. A good therapeutic alliance needs to be in place before proposing tactile interventions. This alliance, or relationship, is based on trust, reliability and protection and equates to the partners’ internalisation of a good object. Some of Winnicott’s most celebrated concepts, including the holding environment, unintegration and mirroring, are explored, illuminating the psychodynamics of couples as they engage (or not) in the homework. In particular, this chapter focusses on partners’ shame, mobilised in therapy when the topic of sex is introduced. The question of how toxic shame develops in children is discussed and it is proposed that sensate focus can address excessive shame about sex and help partners detoxify humiliating parental prohibitions from the past. The exercises may also help couples reclaim their sensuality and bodily pleasure, which may or may not act as a precursor to sex. The tactile intervention also encourages clients to talk to the therapist and each other about sex. The relevance of Winnicottian theory to the case vignettes appearing throughout the book is considered, including his respect for the human body. Finally, therapists’ modelling of a ‘third position’ and of triangular relationships is highlighted.
