ABSTRACT
Being ashamed of our drives makes it difficult to acknowledge them and own them. That’s why we turn the other into someone who “wants us to …”: Who makes demands (on our love, our devotion, our wisdom, and our money). When the other does demand something from us, we are able to renounce our ownership of desire (“I did it because the kids asked me to,” “I have to work overtime because my partner demands money”). So first, we frame our desire as “the other demanded this of me,” and when we refuse to please the other, we end up giving up on our own desire.
