ABSTRACT
The chapter looks at common societal beliefs, as well as personal beliefs and emotions derived from childhood experiences, which get in the way of offering ourselves compassion.
It examines the stigma of accessing therapy and fear of what might emerge from ‘deeper’ explorations – an obstacle to understanding.
It considers the fears that create obstacles to setting satisfactory boundaries, such as the fear of saying “No” to others and the fear arising from sedimented beliefs (e.g. ‘without these rigid boundaries I shall fall apart’).
The chapter ends with the link between some personal, family, or society acquired beliefs (e.g. that it is rude/wrong to refuse anything to a community elder/a superior) and the difficulties of boundary setting. It highlights how boundaries set in line with such ingrained beliefs set the scene for an abuse of power and may pave the way for sexual abuse and rape. The ingrained belief that ‘I do not deserve firm boundaries’ leads to the chapter on Shame.
