ABSTRACT
Shame is an umbrella term for so many different experiences, from a superficial feeling to a deep existential sense and belief; from mild personal embarrassment to shocking public humiliation. Shame makes us feel exposed, singled out. Yet, paradoxically, the object of our deepest shame is usually something we share with a multitude of others.
This chapter shows how shame frequently camouflages itself in the neighbourhood of other, more acceptable emotions: a person may admit to feeling ‘a bit embarrassed’, ‘upset’, or ‘angry’, when the dominant emotion is a shame that dare not speak its name.
It also explores means of countering shame: rage – which is shown to be a double-edged sword – and compassion.
Whether our shaming beliefs stem from our family or from the society in which, for whatever reason, we may have felt ostracized growing up, we need to articulate these for ourselves and notice, with compassionate understanding, the extent to which we may have internalized them. Only then can we successfully challenge them and develop a different embodied sense of ourselves and allow self-worth to grow. For understanding, (self-)compassion and self-worth are intimately linked together, as is the setting of healthy boundaries.
