ABSTRACT
This chapter is an oral history told by Nelson, a 41-year-old Latino, bisexual, cisgender man living in Chicago, with context and analysis by the author. Nelson is a first-generation Mexican-American who was aware of his gender non-conformity and fluid attractions from age five, but he hid them until much later due to familial and cultural homophobia around him. He met his wife in the high school band, and she is the only woman he’s ever had sex with. Nelson explored his same-sex fantasies by watching gay porn, and when his wife discovered this, he was forced to come out, which almost broke their marriage apart, but soon, his wife became pregnant and they recommitted to each other. After having three kids, Nelson wanted a social life with male friends, but his wife resisted, worried he would cheat on her with a man, and their communication devolved. Eventually, Nelson did cheat on her with multiple men. After seeing a couples’ therapist, they tried opening up their marriage and exploring threesomes and additional partners, but his wife eventually got more attached to someone else, and they divorced. Nelson is now dating a man, which he describes as “the same thing” as dating a woman.
