ABSTRACT
This chapter is an oral history told by William, a 51-year-old African-American, bisexual, cisgender man living in Alaska, with context and analysis by the author. William joined the military at age 19 and spent his career in the Army. He felt “different” in that environment due to his ADHD as well as his same-sex attractions, which he was aware of from a young age. Though he mostly fooled around with and dated women at first, when he finally hooked up with a guy, the floodgates opened, and he identified as gay for some time (in secret, due to the military’s policy of “don’t ask, don’t tell”). Eventually he realized that the gay lifestyle didn’t fit him, so he adopted a “bi” label. He met his wife while stationed in Italy, and they married quickly and have been together over 25 years, now with three kids. Soon after he came out as bi to his wife, she came out to him as bi also. William cheated on his wife, but after couples’ therapy and “radical honesty”, they feel closer than ever. When he expressed interest in consensual non-monogamy, his wife initially resisted, but recently, they have taken steps to explore that.
