ABSTRACT
This chapter is an oral history told by Bennett, a 40-year-old white, bisexual, cisgender man living in New York City, with context and analysis by the author. Bennett was a donor baby who grew up in Oakland, CA, raised by a polyamorous, lesbian mother and various partners. He was aware of his same-sex attractions and adopted a “queer” label early, understanding that “gay” might pigeonhole him, but his experience with women was relatively limited, and he mostly had sex and relationships with men. His first sexual experience was forced, with a much older man, and he characterizes it as “illegal” and “traumatizing”. Bennett developed out-of-control sexual behavior, mostly with men, as a response to that trauma. He was friends with his wife for over a year before they dated, as she assumed he was gay. Their marriage was great and inspiring at first, and it helped Bennett affirm his bisexuality, but it ultimately fell apart, possibly due to both his and his wife’s own unaddressed trauma. Bennett re-entered the gay scene “with a fury”, but soon he started attending Sex Addicts Anonymous, and abstaining from sex is finally helping him address his trauma and untangle confusion about his sexuality.
