ABSTRACT
This chapter discusses the intersection of bisexuality and non-monogamy. Though many people conflate bisexuality with a need to be non-monogamous, the author lays out statistics showing that the correlation is only slight, and the vast majority of Bi+ couples are monogamous. Still, queer couples are more likely to discuss and negotiate non-monogamy, which can strengthen their relationship regardless of the outcome. This chapter features a brief history of marriage, an institution which has only idealized monogamy and lifelong love pairings in recent history. The author then discusses his own journey toward a polyamorous identity, crediting his parents and the adoption of his sister with disrupting the scarcity model of love and teaching him that love is an infinite resource, a muscle that grows the more it is used. He discusses the values that are associated with poly identities – transparency, consent, honest communication, autonomy, compassion, sex positivity, freedom, and more – as well as the challenges that come from having multiple partners, like negotiating boundaries and confronting jealousy. The chapter concludes with the author’s advice for couples negotiating non-monogamy, especially for Bi+ men in relationships with women.
