ABSTRACT
This chapter is an oral history told by Evan, a 36-year-old white, bisexual, cisgender man, and his wife Lindsay, a 32-year-old white, straight, cisgender woman, both living in California, with context and analysis by the author. Evan and Lindsay met in high school and have been together ever since. Though Evan has never dated or had sex with anyone else of any gender, he was aware of his multi-spectrum attraction by middle school. About four years into their relationship, Lindsay discovered gay porn on Evan’s computer, and he came out to her as bi. They went through a decade of ups and downs in which Lindsay expressed fear that Evan was really gay, and he would reassure her each time that he was committed to their monogamous marriage. Both were suffering from isolation in their experience and a lack of queer community. Finally, when Evan began coming out to friends and family, everything changed. He learned that others in his life, like his mom and sister, were also bisexual. Lindsay felt more safe and secure, and she started a support group online for mixed-orientation couples. They’ve now been together for 17 years and are thinking about having kids.
