ABSTRACT
This chapter is an oral history told by Quentin, a 47-year-old white, bisexual/queer, cisgender man living in Ohio, with context and analysis by the author. Quentin grew up in the Mennonite tradition in a farming community in Iowa, and he never felt like he fit the “masculine ideal”. He was aware of his attractions toward multiple genders early, and he had homoerotic experiences with other boys, but he learned to never talk about that within his very conservative subculture. He met his wife doing missionary work in South Asia, and she was the first woman he had sex with. After they had three kids together, Quentin disclosed his bisexuality to his wife, and they sought counseling to work through difficult feelings about his queerness. Though they agreed to remain monogamous, Quentin eventually broke this agreement. When he disclosed his infidelity, he and his wife took some time apart and ultimately decided to divorce – but in the process, they’ve each explored their authentic selves and found new possibilities for their futures, and they’ve also had more intimate conversations than ever and deepened their love for each other, even though they are no longer married.
