ABSTRACT
This chapter is an oral history told by Kaiko, a 30-year-old mixed-race, bisexual, cisgender man living in London, with context and analysis by the author. Kaiko grew up in an unstable home and was abused by his father, a military veteran who served in Vietnam. Kaiko went to a private Christian school which was fundamentalist and “cult-like”, teaching traditional gender roles and norms, and he learned to hide his sexuality from a young age. He met his wife in college with little prior dating experience, and they got married a few years later. After couples therapy created more transparency in their relationship, he came out to his wife as bisexual, and she was totally supportive and accepting, despite previously expressing biphobic views. They are currently monogamous, although they have begun to discuss non-monogamy. Kaiko has accepted fluidity and change in his life – he no longer tries to meet societal expectations or follow pre-ordained scripts; rather, he tries to stay true to himself and his experience, wherever that leads.
